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| Washington has never looked so clean |
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| Cheesy but interesting story. |
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| No Nudity, but revealing outfits on the women. |
Hi Everybody,
I'll be honest, it gets exhausting eating delicous food, and then running for miles on end to burn the calories off (see other average guy blogs). Sometimes I like to watch movies, and my taste tend to lean towards the, how do I put this gently, incredibly bad ones. The movies that are mostly CG (not in the good way), have little plot (but at least their honest about it), and gratuitous nudity/revealing outfits (you know, to make up the lack of plot). I'll admit they aren't all like that, some have a decent plot, but an incredibly low budget, others have a high budget but are written by over the hill writers who don't care anymore, a few even star A List actors, most of who have fallen on hard times, or are paying for a third story to their house, or who are just starting out.
So I started this blog because whenever anyone mentioned the name of a bad move, or a particular description of something from the 70's/80's that wasn't that great, like "Remember that movie with the cyborg, and the ninja, and I think there was time travel in it as well..." I say, "Yes." Then I go on to remind them that the ninja was not part of the time travel but actually the son of one of the scientist that was brought aboard the island to build the cyborg." Then I get the stares, followed by silence, followed by shaking of heads and sighs. Yeah, I'm that guy.
MOVIE
Today's post is Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies, which is of course an answer to the highly overrated blockbuster Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer (take my word for it the book is so much better that if you've read it you will most likely hate the movie, I know I did). It is produced by Asylum Pictures, one of the better "small" time picture companies. This move falls into the category of medium budget, lots of CG, no nudity, and good writing. The last came as a surprise to me, as I was expecting something truly terrible upon seeing the tittle.
SUMMARY
The story is basically Lincoln as child sees mom kill dad and then beheads her because she is a zombie, a term you don't hear until halfway through the move. After growing up and becoming the president he visits a soldier in the care of a physician with the same affliction as his mother. After the zombie breaks free (the only time a zombie has super human strength in the movie), and kills the man who was originally going to lead the mission to see what the heck is happening with the flesh eating confederate soldiers, Lincoln recognizing the horror of what actually going on, takes a hand picked crew of eight guys and goes himself (yeah like they'd ever let the president go and kick zombie butt with just eight guys). The small group heads over to a Confederate base where they are assaulted by, (Surprise!) Zombies and Confederates. Lincoln starts blasting away and even shoots one of his men in the head when he is bitten by a zombie. The rest of the men are shocked. Hey, here's an idea, when going up against zombies Mr. President why don't you tell everyone else how to kill them as well, and what happens if they are bitten. Okay this summery is taking too long. I'll just skip to the good stuff. There is an inordinate amount of name dropping in this film to the point it becomes a running joke. The Confederate captain of the fort is Stonewall Jackson, they come across a young child by the name of Teddy Roosevelt, and a man in the president's group is an actor who happens to be a confederate sympathizer. If you can't guess who it is by that alone then you need to pick up an American History books. Various plans to escape, and then kill zombies, allowing many great one liners, fail until they just decide to blow everything up, zombies and all.
ACTING!!!
My favorite, and the best acted role was by Baby Norman, a model of all people, who played Mary Owens, Lincoln's previous love who turned to prostitution to pay the bills, or as one character put it, "Lincoln's Whore!" Lincoln was played by Bill Oberst Jr., and though I hate to say it did a slightly better job than the unknown who played Abraham Lincoln in the more popular Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer, by simply by being the Lincoln we all know and love, and not being a cooler, hipper version of Lincoln, though that is just my opinion colored by the fact I did not enjoy the blockbuster movie all that much.
RATING
Overall I would recommend this movie to fans of American History and badly done horror. I give it a 7 out of ten on the Average Guy Rating scale. Mainly for the story, or attempt at one.
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2246549/
